My Month of Unemployment
I have been working at Kroger for a little over a week now and it has been great. Very chill and no expectations of perfection. I love that I work with people of all ages, all education backgrounds, and all different lifestyles from my own. That may be the thing that keeps me here longer than I thought I would like. I only accepted this position because I was unemployed for 1 month during the pandemic and needed to begin making an income and reintegrating into society.
During that month of unemployment, my entire world changed. I have no other way to describe it other than simply I needed a long break away from the lifestyle I was living. I still feel like I need more of that break time after one month of being unemployed; it just wasn’t enough. However, I needed to begin providing an income in order to continue living in my apartment, afford groceries, etc.
I have read numerous articles online and even heard it on local news that there is an increase in unemployment rates and people are unsure why this is happening as inflation on everything has begun. This is a very important question I felt I could give insight to based on my experience being an employee in the mental health field during the pandemic, which is why I decided to dig deep and begin typing.
I loved my job. I loved everything about it. I loved and respected the company, the team I was on, and the clients that were assigned to me. I loved the work I got to do with minimal supervision, as it allowed me to really assist my clients in healing deep wounds and learn new skills. I got to play soul doctor, which I loved so much I gave it a name.
If it was so great, why did I leave? That is too long of a story to tell in one go. There are many layers to the decision that I made. It was not an easy choice for me to stop and take a break.
Long story short, I got burned out. I burned out on my job, my clients, my coworkers, the lifestyle I was living, and my inability to cope with all the changes that were happening during this whole year. My life spun out of control and instead of ending my life I decided to get back up every day and just try to make it better. I have a sign on my wall that says “Do one thing everyday that makes you happy.” It hangs from the door so that I know I will at least see it once every day. I guess you can call it my mantra, but It has been one of the things that has gotten me through life every single day since I bought it at Ross.
I was unemployed for a little over a month. Luckily, I had money saved because I wanted to begin planning a trip to Washington. Those plans have changed for obvious reasons. I used my savings to pay all of my bills for 2 months and stocked up on groceries so that I could hibernate in my home and feel safe that at least my basic needs were met. That safety I needed to establish so quickly because I would not have been able to fully relax, allow myself to take the time off without rushing into something else, and really begin healing what was hurt inside of me. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is also something I often reference in my mind when I am feeling anxious or depressed.
I did a lot of healing in that month. I spent more time outside and less time off my phone. I actually kept the apps there, but I began practicing mindfulness during this time as well and I actually used my phone less as a result. I began doing basic breath work that may have a name, but I would have to Google it. “Box Breathing”, “4x4x4x4 Breathing”, there are many names, but it is very simple and doesn’t require me to have to think at all for however long I want to. I never time myself, but I would say I have noticed myself doing it once for almost an hour and 45 min. It was insane, but felt so freaking good.
While doing the breath work, it almost becomes automatic for you to slow your breathing, as I have experienced. It feels like time slows down and you are in the present. I don’t know how else to explain how it felt to begin learning how to do that. I feel a lot more calmer now than I have in a long time, if not ever. I still cannot believe that I am experiencing this feeling of peace. I began using that time to really ask myself the deep questions, allowed myself to feel how I felt, and allowed myself to use the coping skills I have learned throughout my life, good and bad. I began reparenting myself and mothering myself. I began to try to understand myself and embrace it with comfort and not with fear. I am learning to not let fear control me and the dictate my words and actions. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. The best description I can give of the pain is it was equivalent to heartbreak.
I have been experiencing a lot of raw and new emotions I haven’t experienced before and instead of trying to force myself to fit into the idea that I have of this perfect person, I have been learning to accept myself in my rawest form. I have been experiencing joy, happiness, gratefulness, and just positive feelings of how lucky I am to be alive right now; All emotions that I have not experienced in a very long time.
I put in applications at multiple types of jobs during this time as well. Positions in the medical field, mental health, receptionist, fast food, retail, and even considered working over-nights. The only ones that called back during the whole month of unemployment were fast food and retail, and they were also slim to come by. This is how I accepted Kroger and just began to bite the bullet of working in retail until I decide my next move or something better comes around.
Maybe that’s why I am so relaxed at this job because the job doesn’t expect perfection out of me. The store expects me to show up to work when I am scheduled and perform the duties I agreed to performing as listed on the paperwork that I signed when I accepted the position. I do that, get paid, and it is not hard work at all (compared to past jobs) as far as stress is concerned.
I am starting to think that we may be putting too much pressure on people to perform as machines and not as humans. Being human, I have learned, includes human error, which no number crunched at the top of the ladder will remember to calculate. I am starting to think that we don’t need to pressure people to do anything except maybe the most basic manners of how to treat other people in a positive way, and allow the rest to be just extra things that person brings to the table. I want to enjoy the place I work, the people I work with, and the work that I do and I feel like I am not alone in that.
I also have been more interested in blogging since Kalyn’s team reached out to me to inform me of the feature on her website. Thank you so much!
It is a fun hobby and helps me to feel calmer and happier, I have found.
Tuesday, November 23, 2021
Music: https://youtu.be/kSl3VG-mzU4
Articles:
Comments